MARICOPA COUNTY, Ariz. - America’s favorite sheriff, Sheriff Bo Carpayo, will be making a few changes around the desert encampment made famous for prison loaf meals and pink underwear. Under threat of yet another ACLU class action suit, Arizona’s tough talking lawman has settled out of court to allow inmates to choose the color of their underwear.
“These rapists, burglars, and gangsters deserve more color in their lives than this” said ACLU spokesperson Blee Dinghardt as she tearfully held up a pair of faded pink boxers.
The sheriff also acquiesced to the ACLU’s demands for variety in prisoner’s meals. Prison loaf will now come in five different colors and will be labeled in three languages. Other settlement conditions include candy-striped bars on holding cells, neon accents on shower shoes, and a choice of pastels for their restraining order papers upon release.