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Home  >  Topics  >  Bizarre Beat

April 01, 2012
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Max 'Extra Scoop' Smithword Spoof News
with Max 'Extra Scoop' Smithword

Chief mulls ban on Mexican lunches

Officers are passing gas 'at rates never before seen'

Editor's Note: Before you go writing any angry emails, please note the date of publication - April 1, 2012. Now, enjoy a chortle or a chuckle courtesy of the PoliceOne Editorial Team. Read all the stories here.

FT. PFFT, Texas — Police fleet maintenance personnel refuse to come to work until the local police chief bans cheap Mexican food for lunch, they said in a written statement Monday.  At issue is the increasing health hazard presented in their workplace as a result of the driver and passenger seats in squad cars across the city.

"Officers are passing gas at rates never before seen," the document begins, citing last month's opening of Beanz-2-Go as the most likely cause.

"There's a limit to how many pages of ‘butt trumpet sheet music’ you can read in a day, and the five bean burritos for $5 deal has created an out-of-control flatulence printing press that must be destroyed, Farenheit 451-style," the statement says.

The police chief is expected to accept or reject the proposal Monday after hearing counterarguments from a group of janitorial staff who have to clean department restrooms.  They call their car-seat-scrubbing counterparts "wusses."  


About the author

Don't believe everything you read. In fact, everything you read here is fake, false, or fictional (and/or all of the above). In Spoof News, the PoliceOne editorial team takes a satirical look at some of the real-life stories we sometimes see. We’re proving that the phrase “You can’t make this stuff up” is actually quite incorrect. We can make this stuff up, and we hope you get a good laugh from the effort. Want to join in the fun? Email us your ‘fake news’ to editor@policeone.com.





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