FT. PFFT, Texas — Police fleet maintenance personnel refuse to come to work until the local police chief bans cheap Mexican food for lunch, they said in a written statement Monday. At issue is the increasing health hazard presented in their workplace as a result of the driver and passenger seats in squad cars across the city.
"Officers are passing gas at rates never before seen," the document begins, citing last month's opening of Beanz-2-Go as the most likely cause.
"There's a limit to how many pages of ‘butt trumpet sheet music’ you can read in a day, and the five bean burritos for $5 deal has created an out-of-control flatulence printing press that must be destroyed, Farenheit 451-style," the statement says.
The police chief is expected to accept or reject the proposal Monday after hearing counterarguments from a group of janitorial staff who have to clean department restrooms. They call their car-seat-scrubbing counterparts "wusses."