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Mayor says term 'law enforcement' too 'aggressive'; Top 10 signs you need a new partner

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PoliceOne April 1 Newsletter
Dear PoliceOne Member,

Welcome to the August 2013 Humor News, an occasional newsletter in which we take a satirical look at some of the real-life stories we tend to see here on PoliceOne.

In this issue, we've put together a collection of fake news stories for your enjoyment, as well as a handful of real news items we wish were fake. We've also got the Top 10 signs you might need a new patrol partner — see if you can add to the list and get us to at least a Top 40.

Humor is a big part of life in most squad rooms, and we hope to capture some of that madcap spirit here. If you think you're funny and want to contribute to a future Humor item, just shoot us a note.


— Doug Wyllie, PoliceOne Editor in Chief
Featured News
Sheriff recruiting, promoting based solely on social media posts
Featured News
Deputy Harriet Pitts was placed on administrative leave after her status update "Feeling pretty awesome about this strawberry ice cream cone" received zero likes. Trending: #MayhemCountySheriff
Spoof News:
ACLU suggests alternate uses for police equipment
Put a feather duster in the flash suppressor of an AR-15 and you can “easily get to those hard-to-reach cobwebs up in the crown molding”
Leaked memo: Mayor opposes law 'enforcement'
Mayor says 'Use of Force' section of Policy and Procedures manual will be rewritten with a new section to be called 'Use of Flattery'
Town introduces 'disappointment-based policing'
Chief: "No punishment can match the impact of a mother's scorn"
Top 10 List
Top 10 signs you need a new partner
By Max 'Extra Scoop' Smithword
You know it's time to get a new partner when he/she continually tells 'Chuck Norris' jokes and substitutes in his/her own name... 9 more reasons

During a long stakeout, your partner is constantly answering phone calls from his wife at home.

"Yes, I'm really out on a job, sweetie pie. Go to sleep."

"Stakeout is going to be all night honey. Go to sleep."

"No, I swear, you're the only one for me. Go to sleep."

Fed up with all the lovie-dovie talk, you lean close to your partner's phone and coo in your best Barry White baritone voice, “Get off the phone hot stuff... I want some more of that sweet lovin'."

The phone doesn't ring again all night.
Submit your joke
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