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The aftermath of a police-involved shooting: a police wife’s perspective

It’s not easy, but there are things you need to know.

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By Uniform Stories

The following is a guest post from a police wife who would like to remain anonymous.

I hear the statistics – every 60 hours another officer is killed.

And the media paints police as cruel people who have no compassion for those around them. The only news stories you can count on hearing, are those involving an officer who has done wrong. It is impossible to get away from the negativity, and lack of support. No matter where you look – the news, social media, or just talking to friends. You hear about all of the bad, and none of the good.

On a daily basis, I reassure my husband that he is doing a great job, but I see in his eyes he often struggle to believe it himself.

I sometimes worry about the day when I will have my husband’s partner knocking on the door and the first words out his mouth will be, “I am sorry, but your husband has been killed.” Fortunately, that has not happened, but I have received two calls in the middle of the night from my husband, telling me that he has been involved in a shooting.

When I got that first call, fear rushed over me. I took a breath and then thanked God that he was ok. When he finally made it home I did what I could to support him. I truly wanted to know every detail. Once he told me what he could, my emotions went haywire.

The second call was very similar and yet I was still unprepared. I assumed that if it did happen again, it would be years in between. But it wasn’t. It was just over a year when I got that second call. Once again I prayed for my husband, myself, and our infant child because now I truly knew the stress that it would have on all of us.

The days that follow these events are insanely stressful. Dealing with the public is never easy, but I could tell people that the incident was under investigation, thus avoiding any talk about it. Make no mistake, this does not mean that people did not still ask questions.Forgive me for saying this, but there were times I just wanted to punch people in the face or scream at them because they would make comments about the incident that were misleading or simply not true. I wanted to get on Facebook and voice my opinion on a daily basis. I wanted to tell people that cops are good people and they deserve our respect, and I wanted to tell all the cop haters they could… Well, you all know what I wanted to say to them. But I knew for my sake and the sake of my husband, I had to take the high road.

After the second shooting, my husband was on administrative leave for a week. Once he returned to work the stress grew. I now had to worry about it happening once again, but this time all I could think about was a worse outcome than the first two times. But one thing I will tell you is that none of us can tell the future, so you cannot let fearful thoughts consume you. Don’t get caught up in depression born out of fears of what may go wrong in the future.

After going through just about every emotion there is, the best advice I can give LEO spouses who are reading is this: Keep the channels open for discussion and be willing to talk to others, remember when the times get dark, it is ok to cry, and talk to your husband or wife about how you feel and make sure that they know you are there to listen.

With all of that being said, if you have lived through the same experience as I, just realize that you are not alone. There are thousands of other police spouses, including myself, who are out there ready and waiting to support you and help you and your family through these situations.

Uniform Stories features a variety of contributors. These sources are experts and educators within their profession. Uniform Stories covers an array of subjects like field stories, entertaining anecdotes, and expert opinions.
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