How to help a fellow officer struggling with alcohol abuse
There are those among us who have admitted to themselves that they can’t have a drink — it is our responsibility as brothers and sisters to help them, not make it harder for them
Have you ever asked to buy a fellow officer a drink off-duty and received this response?
“I’ll have a soda.”
What did you say or do?
“Grow a Pair”
There is incredible amount of pressure constantly placed upon adults in social settings to drink alcohol — or else! When an adult — especially a male adult — requests a soda at a social gathering, it will often inspire someone within earshot to offhandedly jab something like, “Why don’t you get yourself a big boy drink.”
I’ve come to have a great deal of empathy for my fellow officers who have decided to stop drinking. They have admitted to themselves that alcohol is something that is negatively impacting their lives, relationships, and careers. This takes courage. For these officers, every day can become a struggle to free themselves from the grip of alcohol.
These officers will go to work and their colleagues will rush to their assistance as they struggle with a belligerent suspect. Yet off-duty in their struggle with alcohol, these same officers will pile on by insisting, “Come on! Have a drink with us!”
Some will act as if their very friendship is in jeopardy if drinks are not shared together.
Picture how it must feel for an officer precariously perched on the proverbial wagon. Not only do they have to resist temptation brought on by the constant presence of alcohol at every social event, but they also have the additional pressure of a fellow officer insisting they need to “grow a pair” by having a drink.
Even if they resist taunts like this, these officers will sometimes find unsolicited shots or their favorite beer suddenly placed in front of them by a bartender. A well-meaning friend across the room will be smiling and waving at them while holding up their own drink: brutal pressure.
I do not malign anyone in any way who can relax and have a drink with friends after work. My purpose here is to serve notice to all officers that there are those among us who have admitted to themselves that they can’t have a drink — it is our task as brothers and sisters to help them, not make it harder for them.
Even after a person admits their addiction to themselves, it is still difficult to say to friends and casual acquaintances, “I can’t do shots with you ever again, because I am an alcoholic.”
How You Can Help
Helping a friend and fellow officer struggling with alcohol abuse requires the expenditure of no blood or sweat, but it still may be a matter of life and death to that individual. Here are five ways you can support them:
1. Don’t sarcastically ask, “What’s the deal with the soda?” They will talk to you about it in their own time.
2. Never question a fellow officer who decides he or she has had enough alcohol on a given night or for the rest of their life. You trust their judgement on the street, so trust their judgement in a bar.
3. When someone shares with you that they have a problem with alcohol, you must realize they never again need to secure your friendship by sharing a drink. It has been secured by sharing such deeply personal information.
4. Praise their courageousness and tell them you are here for them night and day to help.
5. Realize that an alcoholic can’t have just one drink with you — it’s nothing personal.
Buy a Soda
According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, about 17.6 million Americans — one in every 12 adults — “suffer from alcohol abuse or dependence along with several million more who engage in risky, binge drinking patterns that could lead to alcohol problems.” This means that the chances are high that someone you consider a friend is quietly struggling with his or her physical and psychological addiction to alcohol.
So when you offer them a drink and they request a soda, without question or commentary, just smile at them, tell them that it’s good to see them, and buy them a soda.