The 6 best DUI excuses I've been given
#2 is my favorite
By RJ Beam
Here we are in the holiday season, or as many officers refer to it: amateur drinking season.
With company parties, family events and everything else going on, the alcohol flows – New Year’s Eve, of course, being the grand championship of amateur drinking. With more people drinking we tend to make more drunk driving arrests.
Here are some of the best excuses drunks have given me to explain why they needed to drive drunk…
1) It is too cold out; I might freeze to death.
Without a second thought the drunk guy yells back, “When I am this drunk I walk real slow so I don’t stumble and fall. It is too cold out; if I walk slowly I would freeze to death so I had to drive to save my life.”
The irony was not lost on anyone who watched the dash camera footage from the sobriety tests.
2) I need to get home because my wife is fertile.
The driver is fumbling with his wallet. I can smell the alcohol coming off him. Yet, he still looks me right in the eye and matter-of-factly says, "My wife and I are having trouble getting pregnant. She texted me that her temperature is in the range that the doctor told us is optimal for baby making. I need to get home and have sex now to increase our chances of a baby."
3) I didn’t want a parking ticket.
One snowy night a guy ends up getting his car trapped in a snow bank. I arrive and end up asking him to do sobriety tests. Half way through the process he blurts out , "I only drove home because I can’t afford another parking ticket. Now you’re going to f**k me over with a DUI."
4) My boss will fire me if I miss work tonight.
He worked third shift at one of the industrial plants. He told me, "I am trying to be responsible. My boss said that if I miss any more shifts this year, I’ll be fired. Yeah, I got a little drunk at a family get-together, so I drove up here to sleep it off before my shift at eleven. I even set my watch alarm to get me up before I have to punch in."
5) I needed my GPS to find my hotel.
Later at the PD as I am processing him, he gets all upset, yelling, "You know the only reason I was driving was because I needed the GPS to find my hotel. Then the GPS sends me the wrong way down the street and I get busted."
6) But I am the designated driver.
In the end, they are always well over the limit.
Everyone be safe out there and have a Happy New Years!
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