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P1 Humor Corner: The bunny and the bear

The National Security Advisor wants to streamline and simplify the investigation of potential terrorists on American soil


This one has been around a while, and I’m paraphrasing/embellishing it a little bit because I don’t remember jokes verbatim. As a native New Yorker, I’ve written NYPD as the local agency, but you could just as easily substitute “YOUR TOWN HERE” where you see NYPD.

During a recent trip to New York City, National Security Advisor Tom Donilon announces to a meeting of law enforcers that he wants to streamline and simplify the investigation of potential terrorists on American soil. Of course, the FBI and CIA both say they’re the best outfit to handle such a sensitive and high-profile assignment, but he’s pleased when the NYPD says it should take the lead on those cases. Donilon decides that he’ll have a competition among the three to determine who gets the job.

The next day, teams from all three agencies gather on a wooded hillside in Pleasantville, New York, about 30 miles north of Manhattan. Donilon pulls a bunny rabbit from a cage and proclaims, “I’m going to release this rabbit into those woods over there, and each team will get a chance to go look for him. The first team to bring him out gets the job.”

The National Security Advisor wants to streamline and simplify the investigation of potential terrorists on American soil. He uses a bunny rabbit to test the FBI, CIA, and NYPD. (AP Photo)
The National Security Advisor wants to streamline and simplify the investigation of potential terrorists on American soil. He uses a bunny rabbit to test the FBI, CIA, and NYPD. (AP Photo)

The FBI guys start licking their chops and say they’ll go first. Off goes the rabbit, and one minute later, off go the FBI guys in pursuit. An hour later, they emerge from the woods, no rabbit.

“We analyzed the rabbit’s bank statements, we tested every tree and every leaf against our vast database of plant DNA, and we determined the rabbit committed no crime, so we let him go.”

“BS!” said the National Security Advisor. “You didn’t find the rabbit.”

The CIA guys go running off into the woods hooting and hollering, “We’ll get that little guy before lunch!” An hour later, out come the CIA guys from the woods. You guessed it, no rabbit.

“We found him all right,” said the CIA guys. “We interrogated him, got actionable intelligence from him, and quickly turned him to our side. He’s working for us now, so we let him go.”

“BS!” Donilon said. “You didn’t find the rabbit.”

The NYPD guys exchange a knowing look and saunter off into the treeline, easy as you please.

Ten minutes later, a grizzly bear comes charging out from the woods, bruised and bleeding, hands above his head and screaming, “I’m the frigging rabbit! I’m the frigging rabbit!”

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