P1 Humor Corner: Police 'customer service' improvement survey
In order to provide you, the customer, with the best possible service, we ask that you take a few minutes to complete this survey about your most recent transaction.
1.) During your arrest, were you advised of your rights in a timely manner?
___ What rights?
2.) If your attitude at the time of arrest required the use of force, how would you rate the application of said force?
___ Too much
___ Not enough
___ Just right
3.) If an arrest warrant was used for your arrest, what type was it?
___ Court ordered
___ Police ordered
4.) When you were handcuffed, how would you rate their use?
___ Too tight
___ Not tight enough
___ Too loose
___ Not loose enough
___ Just right
5.) For what crime were you arrested?
___ Public Stupidity
___ Public Mopery with Intent to Gawk
6.) During your arrest, was the officer’s commentary directed at you politically correct?
7.) During your ride to jail, how many times did the officer’s driving habits cause your face to impact with the silent partner?
___ Three times
___ I can’t remember
8.) Once you arrived at our jail, how were you removed from the vehicle?
___ Through the car door
___ Through the trunk
___ From the trunk
___ Through the wing window
___ Off the bumper
9.) Have you taken advantage of our department’s free attitude adjustment program?’
___ Not yet
10.) How would you rate the food at our jail in comparison with food at other jails you have visited?
___ What food?
11.) Would you recommend being arrested by our department to your fellow felons?
___ You gotta be kidding
12.) Were you offered an opportunity to confess to the crime you were arrested for?
13.) Were you offered an opportunity to confess to the crime you were not arrested for?
14.) Our department is offering a Time Saver Program whereby you can sign all forms ahead of time, and we will fill in the blanks later. Would you be interested in such a program?
___ Does X count as a signature?
Thank you for your participation!
- Bizarre Beat